Roma

 (Written on the delightful high-speed train from Rome to Florence)

Travel to Rome, Settling in

It takes a long time for a budget traveller to make it to Rome- nearly 24 hours of connecting flights, layovers, and just plain long flights.  Happily, the airline gods smiled upon us and all flights were on time and uneventful.  We also avoided the pitfalls of previous trips- for example, we actually got some (fitful) sleep on the long trans-Atlantic flight and forwent the the cheap free wine.  As a result, we touched down feeling quite a bit less destroyed than we did on our Scandinavian honeymoon 7 years ago.  After a little brain-fogged fumbling, we figured out the train to the part of town our short-term rental, which was in the district adjoining the Vatican.   All went pretty smoothly, and we got checked in by our friendly host and ensconced in our home for the week- a perfectly fine 2 bedroom apartment with perhaps the most secure door I have seen outside of a bank vault (8 deadbolts!)  It was late afternoon, and we were looking at a 9-hour jet lag, so we limited our ambitions to the first of many open-air cafes we would dine in, sipping affordable wine in the shadow of St. Peter's Basilica.  

Day 1: Central Rome, including Pantheon, Trevi fountain, and Spanish Steps

We certainly immediately embraced the idea that Rome is best explored by foot, hiking about 12 miles over the course of the day, in a loop that (to my delight) included many of the mandatory sights of the Eternal City.  Contrary to the forecast, the weather was high 70s, humid, and generally lovely.   Rome is, I suppose, mostly as expected- bustling, chaotic, ancient, grimy, charming, and SLAMMED with tourists.   It's hard to get mad at it- I mean, WE are there at the same place and time, wanting to do the same things.  Our careful thoughts on how to look not so North Idaho were apparently identical to almost every other traveller from every other place in the world- the women were nearly all sporting new sundresses selected to be as "Rome" as possible, and the men shamed into slacks, pressed shirts, and sunglasses they thought were cool (of course I am also speaking of myself).  

All the sights were awe-inspiring, as you'd expect, and most were much larger than I thought they would be- the Pantheon in particular was amazing for how well-preserved it was.  Again, this is a secret to no one, and I do admit to throwing a little money at the problem for the skip-the (2 hour) line guided tour.  To preserve marital harmony, a number of wine and snack breaks were included at the seemingly infinite welcoming sidewalk cafes conveniently placed nearly everywhere in the city.  

Overall, extremely pleasant (and yes, productive) day!  We did find out that the rental only had untranslated basic Italian cable, which was fun for exactly one evening, and then we figured out how to stream Netflix from the laptop I am writing this on, which is nice.  

Day 2: Colosseum, Forum, Palentine Hill

Hoo doggies, I thought yesterday was crowded!  Turns out there are a LOT of people who want to see the Colosseum.  You have to book it at least a week in advance (whew, I did), print out your ticket ahead of time on line (again, whew) and then figure out which long line to stand in to get mushed through the linear mosh pit that is the tour of the Colosseum.  I mean, it's cool and all (and HUGE- larger than many modern NFL  stadiums (stadia?- we have become more aware of our Latin here)) but like many males of Western European ancestry, I have received nearly all of the Colleseum fun facts over the course of my life as any tour of the real thing could provide.  (Did you know there were tunnels underneath the surface of the arena that had elevators where they lifted lions and tigers through?  (Yes.)  Did you know they could flood the arena and do sea battle re-creations (yes.) Did you know one time they had a solid month one time where they killed 9000 wild animals and 100s of people? (mmm... no, but that sounds right))

Palatine Hill, which we did next, was a nice change of pace.  This was and is right next to the Colosseum and where all the emperors lived during the height of ancient Rome, building ever more elaborate palaces and monuments to themselves.  Nero apparently topped them all by erecting a 150-foot bronze colossus of himself in the neighboring Forum that he could see from his deck, which had to be pretty sweet.  The nice thing for us at the time was that the area was MUCH less crowded with people and much more spread out, so it was more like a nice walk in the park with pretty views of Rome and the Vatican.   I particularly liked the Augustan doma, which included a private hippodrome (horse racetrack) and private mansion for his downright villainous wife, Livia.  There were also the (maybe?) residences of Romulus, the founder of Rome.  No such luck for Remus, I guess, having been murdered by his brother after the fun bonding experience of literally being raised by wolves.  

The Roman Forum plunges you back into the crowds (though not like the Colosseum), and yup, very cool.  The weather had been sketchy in the morning, but it had fully come around by then, and many pictures were taken of enormous marble columns and triumphal arches.  Apparently the things not made of stone were regularly burned down due to civil strife, sackings, and the fact that most this is nearly 2000 years old.   It had to be one heck of a place, and I have to admit the few interpretive signs that were there made you think it was more fun to learn about than perhaps actually experience (for example, did you know if a vestal virgin (upon whose chastity the fate of Rome depended) um, goofed,  she was immediately buried alive in a so-called "field of villains", her name never to be spoken of again? )  

As amazing as all this was (and you kinda have to go, right?)  I have to admit being a little relieved when we were once again sipping wine in one of the ubiquitous Tratorias a short distance from the major sights, were you can relax and continue spending money.   (While Rome isn't expensive by American standards, going out to eat for nearly every meal is, wherever you go- but it's just so darn pleasant!)  

Day 3: Capitoline Museums 

On the top of Capitol Hill in Rome, on the site of the former Temple of Jupiter, lies the "current day" Piazza del Campidoglio- three majestic buildings around a large courtyard with a big statue of Marcus Aurelius in the middle of it. In one of the buildings (I should say palaces) lives the mayor of Rome, and the other two house the Capitoline Museums.   I say "current day" in scare quotes because the whole thing was designed by Michelangelo 500+ years ago, including the statues.   He did a really good job, except for maybe the giant slanty steps (thigh BLASTER) leading up to it and between gigantic statues of Castor and Pollox (twin sons of Jupiter, get it?).   They were going to melt down the bronze of M.A. because he was a pagan, but Michelangelo told everybody it was Constantine.   They actually did take it out in the 2000's because it was melting from pollution and needed to go inside.  Much ado was made about this until somebody made a copy, put it back in the square and everybody thinks it's the original.   (it isn't, but you can see the real deal inside).  

Man, if you want to see some 2000 year old antiquities, and you want them to be marble, you really gotta see this museum.  Many of the statues are emperors (and their wives and kids) and senators holding scrolls and looking serene.  But a lot of the (much better ones) are gods and demi-gods doing awesome stuff like chopping off hydra heads, lopping off Medusa's head, or (my favorite) battling giant snakes when you are just an adorable baby (Hercules was THE MAN).  There is also a lot of great historical bas reliefs (usually on sarcophagi, which mostly involve Greeks or Romans stabbing beasts on a hunt, or stabbing each other, or stabbing themselves.  These are great, and so is are the buildings they are housed in, which as I mentioned, were designed by Michelangelo.  The museum involves 2 buildings, but each are so large, we had to take a lunch break before we came back to see more serene bigwigs and surprisingly gory and NSFW marble carvings.   

After all of this, we headed across the Tiber river to a very pleasant neighborhood called Trastevere, (which means "across the river" in Latin- checks out).  There are even more narrow cobblestoned streets and even more B+ sidewalk cafes there, and we had a very nice dinner in yet another sun-dappled piazza.   By this time, we had figured out the bus system pretty well, and though slowed like everything else from a ceaseless stream of tiny cars, motor scooters, and various emergencies. gets you where you need to go safely.   

Day 4: Catacombs, Vatican Museums

So I bought a couple passes in anticipation to Rome- the "Roma" pass gives you unlimited use of the busses and free and reduced entrance to all the major sights- worth it, if only for the convenience.  The "Omnia" pass, for the Vatican, is really only worth it if you have magical powers of flight/ teleportation to see the enormous amount of religious sites without consideration of travel time or that it actually takes time to see things.  Oh well.  At least this was the only time the Roman Catholic Church ever swindled anybody out of money (mic drop).  We made the most of kind of a bad deal anyway, going across town to visit one of apparently dozens of Christian Catacombs around Rome.  Much of the underlying rock around Rome is soft volcanic stuff, easy to tunnel into, and thus it made an ideal site for the Christians in the area to dispose of their dead.  (The Christians, as you may know, tend to bury their dead, instead of immolating them like the Romans.)  But it turns out, over the centuries, there were a lot of dead Christians, and only a limited area to bury them, so they dug vast cavernous systems into the stone to entomb all of their deceased relatives.  Just the one site we visited contained the remains of half a million people, in three large layers- miles of caverns!  

Maybe not the place I'd spend Halloween, or... maybe the perfect place?  

We then had a scheduled spot for the Vatican Museums, which I think might be the most visited museum in the world- (?).  It sure seems like it anyway.  Hey Colosseum, think you are crowded?  Hold my beer (or I guess wine).  Hey Capitoline Museums, think you have some marble and bronze antiquities, (with other hand, apparently this personification of the Holy See is double-fisting) hold my other jewel-encrusted goblet!)  There is a typically confusing system with very little signage to get in, but we figured it out, and were soon swept into the experience.    

The Vatican Museums are very similar to an IKEA in that you are very soon swept involuntary into a helpless throng of humanity that draws you through all of the building before you can get to what you really wanted (respectively, the Sistine Chapel and the "Lunarp" end table).  Also, you see things you didn't expect that might delight you (like perhaps a suite of rooms of Rafael frescoes in the case of the Vatican, or perhaps a "Vilhatten" armoire in the case of IKEA).  IKEA has perhaps the benefit over the Vatican museums in that you don't have to go through 5 (count 'em!) mandatory gift shops full of chintsy religious tchotches, whereas the Vatican museums are superior for their amazing collections of thousands of surprisingly gory antiquities.  All in all, you are left from the experience entirely overwhelmed from over-stimulation, which you would think would be different if induced by all the wonders of antiquity vs. mediocre Scandinavian furniture, but it feels a lot the same.  I suppose it's nice of the Vatican to share the treasures it has gleaned from centuries of hegemony over several continents, just as IKEA can be praised for liberating young adults from their cinder block-based furniture.  But maybe it's not going to far to point out that [TRITE AND OBVIOUS CRITICISM OF CATHOLIC CHURCH AS WELL AS OUR MIGHTY AND BENEVOLENT OVERLORD IKEA REDACTED]

Things I was surprised by in Rome:

Number of obelisks with hieroglyphics all over them.  Ancient Romans were apparently kooky for this.

If you are early for your assigned time for getting into the Vatican Museums, there is a beer cart out front.  You can have a beer on the street- it's fine.  

Do not get in a medical emergency that involves an ambulance.  You will totally die getting to the hospital on an island through millions of tiny cars and motorscooters.  

If you forgot your phone charger battery or selfie stick, there are an army of street merchants who can help you out.  

If you are ever stressed out from all the crowds and noise, duck into an alley!  There will be a selection of charming outdoor cafes waiting for you, all with identical menus.  Hope you like B+ pizza and pasta!